This book mirrors many experiences that men and women face today in our society. I held her hand as she sat in the police station, finally telling the detective what Kevin did to her. I ran side by side with her as she fled her friend's house as the memories and emotions she tried so hard to shove down came flooding back. I stood over her shoulder as she told her first love that she never cared for him out of fear. I felt as though I was with her, watching her make decisions that hurt her. Throughout the whole book, I was able to feel the emotions Eden experienced. She changes the way she looks, lies to the people she cares about, and turns to emotionless hookups in an attempt to soothe the emptiness that Kevin caused.Īs an eighteen-year-old girl, this book spoke to me on a personal level. After her assault, Eden becomes destructive.
She loves to read and spend time with her brother. She starts as a shy girl who is bullied by the upperclassmen at her school. This outline allows us to not only see Eden grow up but walk side by side with her as she learns to cope with what happened to her.Įden changes drastically throughout this book. We also see her during her senior year, as her destructive behavior hurts the relationships she values. She no longer feels like the girl she used to be. We see her during her freshman year, confused about who she is now. Hopefully, this can give you some insight into this novel.Įden’s story is told in four parts, each year of her high school career, beginning with the morning after her brother's best friend, Kevin, rapes her. I was only given a brief overview of this book and was immediately interested, but weary. Like many people today, I was introduced to this book through Instagram. Due to the mature themes of this novel, the book does come with the following trigger warnings: slut shaming, bullying, graphic rape recounts, sexual assault and harassment, alcohol and drug consumption, and strong themes of trauma.
How does someone start over after they experience trauma? Maybe more specifically, how does a 14-year-old start over? Amber Smith’s debut novel, The Way I Used To Be, explores the harrowing story of Eden, a survivor of sexual assault.
“When we don’t have the help we need, or we don’t feel empowered and supported - particularly in the face of extreme and potentially damaging experiences of violation, such as rape or abuse - the underlying problems are often forced to work themselves out in unhealthy, destructive, and dangerous ways that, in fact, never really do allow us to reach a resolution.”-Amber Smith.
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